Friday, April 24, 2009

I can't wait until ...

*I have my own house again.
We have been living with my in-laws 4 months and, don't get me wrong, it's been a huge blessing. BUT ... I am so ready to have my own space again. My own furniture and decorations. I can't wait to paint the walls. I can't wait to have my own kitchen, filled with MY pots & pans. I can't wait to organize my pantry and my closets.
I can't wait!!!!

*I can announce 'We're Pregnant'!
We have the worst luck getting pregnant. It doesn't come easy for us ... at all. We're not one of those couples who "accidentally" becomes pregnant. We have to work at it. Lots of drugs have to work at it. The hardest part right now is that, by "Mormon Standard" we should have already had another kid (or 2) by now. So, we get the question ALL the time ... "when are you going to have another?" and it always seems like when we're trying to get pregnant - every woman I know, instantaneously announces they're pregnancies. I cannot WAIT to be pregnant again - I loved every minute of it with Kason. But, I'm trying so hard to be patient because I know that things don't happen on my clock - they happen on the Lord's. BUT ... at the same time, I am SO grateful that I have all this time to spend with JUST KASON. I feel blessed to have that little guy and I love spending so much time with him and not worrying about juggling my attention between two kids!!

*I can feel like a good mom ... EVERY day.
Does this one ever happen? There are somedays where I feel like the WORST mom to Kason. I don't want to play, I am impatient, I just want to do MY thing, I let him watch WAY too much TV. But, then, I dream about being the best mom ever. You know ... the one's that do projects with their kids everyday and in the afternoon they make cookies? They play at the park every morning and afterwards have a picnic? The one's who always have a clean house, a home cooked meal every night & the most polite kids. Somedays I'm like that - I just want to know where to find the motivation to be like that EVERYDAY.
I can't wait to be supermom!

Do you ever just feel ho-hum?
I think I've been feeling this way, mostly because ...
of my circumstances. I'm not in my own space, and anyone who has lived with family knows it's not the easiest thing.
I want to know what's going to happen in the next 6 months ... and I have a hard time being patient. (But, I will say - I have a feeling our life is heading in a GREAT direction and I'm SOOO excited about it!!!)
AND ... this medication I'm on - ALWAYS makes me depressed! I HATE IT! All I want to do is sleep, cry and be depressed. Thank heavens I only take it for 10 days at a time!!

What can't you wait for??


Jessie and Byron said...

I agree, I too cant wait to announce that Im pregnant! But who knows when that day will come, I too want to announce that we bought a house,but its not as easy as it looks! and impressive you have lived with your inlaws that long, I think I would go INSANE!! I love my inlaws but I could never live with any one else. Just a random question, what medication are you taking? I start Clomid next week and nervous to see the results. And I agree with the stupid "mormon standard" about when you should have kids. I HATE THAT!! Good luck with that!

Erin said...

Amen to all of those things, except getting pregnant because I'm not ready for that yet. I just feel BLAH right now! Not a good mom. Not a good housekeeper. Not the best wife. Ugh. I can't wait to not feel like that anymore! But mostly I *TRY* to remember that I need to enjoy my life in the present, instead of waiting for things to happen. I am not good at this, but it's something that I'm trying to get better at. I know I will miss these days with just one baby, so I try to enjoy it before another one comes along. I'm sure you do the same.

Tyler and Brianna Hatch said...

I don't know what it is for me....but it must be the time of year, cuz everyone i know has felt like a blah mom lately. But i feel your pain on all three! It took Tyler and I 8 months before we got pregnant with Peyton, talk about frustrating! and the house thing...I won't even go there. Hang in there and take comfort in that your not the only one who feels like this or waits for the things to happen. I agree with Erin in that you have to enjoy the present just like Pre. Monson counsils...easy to say but hard to do.

Kara, Garrick, Rylee and Jadyn said...

I can't wait for the day that I'll be a good mom/wife/housekeeper everyday too! All things to work on I guess... haha :)
I also totally agree with Erin though, about being happy and finding the joy with where you are at. It really does make the "when" come a lot faster! ;)

Lindsey said...

Now I recognize those symptoms...they are oh so familiar to me-good ole' Clomid (I am assuming)!

I am so glad you wrote this post-sometimes I wonder if I am the only person who feels like a shlumpy mom- and I have only been doing it for 4 months. Either I get ready for the day or cook meals or clean the house...NEVER all 3 on the same day!

Lunt Family said...

Oh my...I can't wait for too many things!!! Thank you for posting this. I'm not very good at talking about things like this, you know, because we're supposed to be supermoms huh. But I pretty much know that will never happen! With Brooke I used to say "I can't wait till she crawls, I can't wait till she walks, I can't wait till..." and someone told me, "You need to enjoy her now. Because once those things happen they will never happen again." It's the old "enjoy today" talk. As much as I want to enjoy today, I am so caught up in tomorrow! I could write a book on all the things I can't wait for. Thank you for reminding me that it is okay to not be supermom...I am going to try and enjoy today- I hope you do too!

The Melo Family said...

I think that as long as we are trying to be our best it is better than being horrible all the time and not trying at all. You know? I noticed you have been kinda down...Is that what clomid does to you? Hopefully it will work and you won't have to deal with the side effects anymore!! I'm sending you fertile vibes!!
I can't wait for summer this year! I want to go out and have fun!!!! I hope we stay busy and take the kids to lots of fun stuff!!!
Chin up k!:D
Love, Bryn

The McLaws Family said...

I cant wait to say "we're pregnant" either! I know what you mean about other people saying that they're pregnant! Brennon and I have been trying for more than 6 months and I can count 7 people who are pregnant! ugh. oh well, our time will come! Also, I can wait to have a house either! Good luck with everthing!

Merri said...

Jami, i really enjoyed reading your post! Sorry, about the long pregnancy journey. that's a tough one. it's hard to be patient. keep enjoying your sweet Kason though. you'll never have "alone" time with him like you do now!

I can't wait...till Ryan's potty-trained!!

Susan said...

Yep, I totally get the pregnancy thing too. Looks like others that have commented are in the same boat. I just have to remind myself to count my blessings and be grateful for what I have NOW!

laurdacooj said...

I hear you!
thanks for your sweet comment! What happened to Kam???
Are you going to move down here soon??? I miss you!!

Emily S. said...

great post! I totally get ya on some of them!!

I can't wait------um.... to get a REAL vacation. To NOT have to work. To see my friends this weekend in Wisconsin...

Anyhoo... You get the drift.

Thanks for the candid post!

Corri said...

I can relate to the whole supermom thing. That is exactly the kind of mom I hope I can be someday. It will probably never happen but I gotta just keep trying! Hang in there! I'm sure you are a wonderful mommy to little Kason. AND he's stinkin' adorable, by the way!

kelly said...

ooh friend. the "can't wait" thing is like my alter ego. so i won't say the list of things i can't wait for, as to not get myself thinking that way...

but, i would like to share one thought. i hope you never feel like having one kiddo makes you less of anything - a less good mom, wife, or member of the church. you're awesome and no one can dictate the number of children you "should" have except you and Heavenly Father with some serious help from the hubby. i don't know if that even helps, but i felt the need to share my thought on that. i think you're great. :)

Julina said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. And in the spirit of being candid, in my humble opinion, "by Mormon standards" are stupid - because according to them, I should have celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary by now (I'm still single) and have at least 4 kids, probably more... And I can't stand people who ask about other peoples' sex lives, since that's essentially what the questions about when a child will be on the way are getting at. (I wonder if you answered the "real" question - as in "our sex life is just fine, thank you", maybe they'd realize how intrusive and rude they are being, even if they have the best of intentions. I'm not sure Miss Manners would approve though... ;-)

I have been blessed to have been spared most of the "Mormon" questions or pseudo-helpful advice ("if you would just pray more and be more faithful..." :-P)

But on a more serious, cheery note - hang in there with the medicine, hang in there with the "mom" thing (you *are* a good mom - believe me, I've seen some bad ones - and the supermom you describe is a fantasy, which I think you know in your head, but your heart doesn't always listen), and never, ever forget that you are a beloved daughter of our Heavenly Father (and a beloved cousin of the Lambson clan :-)

Take care,

HollySteffen said...

i love you jami!

you ARE a super mom and a supermom. <3

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