Friday, February 26, 2010

The other day we are getting ready to go to the gym and I tell Kason, "if you're really good at the gym and go in without crying - then I'll let you play with the iPod touch on the way home."

Kason got all defensive and says, "Mom, you need to be nice. I'm going to call someone."

So, he picks up his play phone and calls - Grandma.

He says, "Grandma, mom isn't being very nice. If she's not nice, can you spank her bottom?"

I about DIED laughing.

So, Kason picks up his phone again and says, "Grandma, now mom is just laughing at me."

Ahhh, this kid. He sure keeps me laughing.


In other news ... I believe Kason has pink eye. He woke up with the goopiness Wednesday night so, I called the doctor's office Thursday morning and they called in the eye drops. But as of this morning - it doesn't look like he has pink eye anymore ... does it really go away that quick? I don't remember ever having it and this was Kason's first ... 

I am SOOO ready for spring. We got a bit of snow the last couple of days and I'm pretty much done with the cold and the snow and the wet. I'm ready to pull out my shorts and flip flops - that will be heaven. I know I've still got sometime to go so I'm trying to be patient. 

I've LOVED watching the Olympics. I get sad when they're over because I love cheering on the USA! We are quite the talented country, aren't we??

Anyways - posts with actual PICTURES hopefully coming soon. Until then ... have a GREAT weekend!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Our Noble Birthright

I have been thinking about this a lot today because we talked about it in institute. And I'm sorry to turn my family blog into a sermon every time I post (and I really do promise I have pictures to post SOON.) But, today in institute, my teacher, Brother Peterson, talked to us about our birthrights. I'd always thought these were our lineage and the things promised to us, or back in the times of the Old Testament when the eldest (or whomever Heavenly Father chose, really) was given the "birthright" of the family.

Well, today we talked about how EACH of us are birthright children of Heavenly Father. And I loved it. It made me realize that I need to strive to do better and BE better everyday. Heavenly Father has promised us things IF we live righteously on earth.

We live in a world where Satan is constantly trying to win us over. He has his army attacking families and individuals with media, stress, morality issues ... the list goes on and on. He is willing to do whatever it takes to get us to join his ranks - he stops at nothing and he has no shame.

Now, think about the story of Esau and his twin brother Jacob ... Esau came to Jacob and asked him for some "mess pottage". Jacob was only willing to give Esau the pottage if he gave up his birthright. Esau agrees, gives up his birthright and enjoys the pottage ... just like that. How often are we Esau's? How often do we forget the birthright that we have and how quickly are we willing to give it up for a quick moment of enjoyment or pleasure?

I was talking with a friend about this tonight and he said that there is never anything worth giving up our birthright for - it doesn't matter if it's 5 minutes or 5 years of pleasure. Nothing is worth the guilt or the humiliation that one wrong choice would cause.

A lot of the time Satan will make us rationalize the choices we are making. I know I have been there. I sit and think ... well, it's not really THAT bad and if I only do it once ... well, guess what? This is EXACTLY what Satan wants us to think! He wants us to talk ourselves into things and make us believe that it's all okay. But, we must never let Satan win. I like to visualize the excitement Satan would have if I followed him and he thinks he's won and that helps me step away from the choice I'm rationalizing. I do not want Satan to cheer when I make a wrong choice - I want him to weep because I have made the right choice.

Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk where he speaks about this very thing and he encouraged us to think before EVERY choice we make ... "where will it lead?" If it is going to lead us closer to Satan - that is when we need to walk away. I love what he said, "... get mixed up with Satan's garbage and we will end up in the spiritual landfill - the dumping ground of temporal and eternal life."

We cannot forget our birthrights. We are not alone in the quest to live up to those birthrights that have been given to us. I think it's important to remember what Thomas S. Monson said, "Decisions determine destiny." Those are words to live by. EACH choice we make is going to either take us one step closer to our Heavenly Father or it's going to take us a step away from our Heavenly Father.

I'm not sure why this has been bearing on my mind so much today but, I do know that no matter what we are doing right now, there is always room for improvement and there are always ways that we can do better - regardless of the situation. And I think that we need to remember the promises that we have been given and we need to LIVE UP TO THEM. There are so many wonderful things promised to us in this life and in the next ... why would you want to give up that birthright for 5 minutes of enjoyment?

Friday, February 19, 2010

6 Things in 6 Months

What I have learned in 6 months of being a widow:

1. Life is so much more fun if you just let loose and live completely with no regrets. It builds confidence and gives you an exhilarating feeling to do what you want, when you want.

2. The Lord always answers prayers. I know we've always heard this but, it is SO true and I know that without a doubt. There have been so many times where I have had to pray to Heavenly Father and ask silly little questions because, I just didn't know what to do. And in HIS time, those prayers were answered.

3. I am incredibly blessed and grateful for everything that I have. Each night before I say my prayers - I sit there and think about my day. I have to pick out at least one thing that I am grateful for that day, that I can thank our Heavenly Father for. Even if it's the worst day possible, I still have to pick something out. Sometimes, it's something as simple as the store clerk smiling at me. But, I've found when I do this - I'm much more attentive to what the Lord blesses me with. 

4. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. There are no coincidences when the Lord is in control, and let's be honest when ISN'T He in control? So, everything that happens in your life - it's happening for a reason. You just need to have the faith to see it through and show Him that you trust Him. 

5. Service makes the world go 'round. Over the past six (plus!) months I have had so many people serve me and all it makes me want to do is turn around and serve others. It's a wonderful cycle that should never ever stop! I have a HUGE testimony of service and I think that it is something that is often forgotten, especially in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. 

6. I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I saw a sign today that said: "Good friends are like angels, you don't have to see them to know they are there." And that is all I need to say about my friends; new and old. You are amazing and I will never be able to express how much love and appreciation I have for you. 


Six months ago today, Kameron passed away.

SIX MONTHS - can you believe it?! I'm in a little bit of a shock knowing that I've survived six months of this crazy new life, that I've grown to love. And a little worried that I have 6 more months to go before I can officially say I've been a widow for a year.

I'm grateful for what I have learned in the past 6 months. I am grateful for the type of person Heavenly Father has helped me to become. I know I have a long ways to go but, I am proud of the person I have become. And I know this may sound insane - but, I am grateful for the trials in my life. They have made me learn so much about myself and grow in ways I could never imagine. I am blessed with a wonderful new life that I wouldn't trade for anything. I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost ... for the peace and comfort it gives me, the knowledge it helps me receive and for the guidance that I get from it; I would be lost without the Holy Ghost.

I am blessed. Very, very blessed.

Yes, my life is hard but, who's isn't - really? We are all faced with challenges and we all overcome them in our own ways. 

I know my challenges in this life aren't over yet but, I DO know that everything is going to be okay.

It always is.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Happy Birthday, Little Man!

In about 2 hours (at exactly 2:37am) my little Kason will be three years old.

This is a hard post for me to write ... I have a lot of emotions right now so please bear with me as I blubber along.

First, I cannot believe my little booger is three. The past three years have gone so incredibly fast. It makes me wish I had cherished some things more and not rushed through others. He is such a smart little boy and has a very quick wit and I've loved watching that develop over the past little bit. He is incredibly active and I wonder where it all comes from in his little body. He looks like he's about 18 months old because of his size. I always laugh when people hear him talk and then ask me how old he is. When I tell them he's almost 3 they reply with, "wow, he's so tiny but he talks so well and so clear!" and he really is tiny ... he still wears 18 month pants. I love it. He talks very well for his age and that's so nice for me ... it makes things a lot less stressful. He is my number one little man and I'm so grateful for him. I'm just sad that he's growing up so fast.

Second, I can't help but notice the absence of his daddy here this year. I have been dreading this day all month and I'm going to be so glad to have it over with just because Kameron isn't here. I know Kason won't realize or notice that Kameron isn't here but, I will. Kameron always knew how to make birthday's special for me and for Kason. It's been hard trying to think of something I could do that would be easy without Kameron here. And I realized nothing will be easy about this first birthday without Kameron. But, I have friends who are going to make it amazing and I'm grateful for them.

Third, it's hard not having my mom and dad here. They have always been at Kason's birthday's. And it makes me homesick for them. They are such amazing grandparents to Kason and he loves them so much. I wish I had Star Trek powers and could beam them here so they could be here for his birthday.

Anyways ... enough with my sob stories and bawling. I really am so blessed to have Kason in my life. He is seriously my rock. Yes, he drives me crazy and has too much energy for me sometimes. But, I feel so blessed to have him in my life! He is an amazing little Spirit and he brightens my life.

Things I love about him:

- when he comes up and hugs me and tells me loves me or tells me I'm the best mommy ever. I cry every time he does this
- how he loves to sing and is dang good at it too
- his love for baseball and the Diamondbacks - just like me and his daddy!
-how much he loves temples & Jesus
- his love for life, he's always so excited about the little things
- how smart he is ... he is always amazing me with what he knows and what he figures out
- his wit ... seriously, this kid can think of things to say in a heartbeat
- his ability to make friends ... he's such a social little guy
- his fashion sense ... he picks out some awesome outfits sometimes and is always asking me if things match before he picks them out. love it!
- his independence
- how he can sing to pretty much every song on the Glee Soundtrack
- how he comes in every morning and says, "good morning mom! it's time to wake up!"
- his laugh ... Kason's laugh is contagious
- he is seriously the cutest sleeping kid ... I love watching him sleep
- how he loves such boy things; dinosaurs, trucks/cars, sports, bugs ... all that fun stuff
- how he gets on movie kicks where he'll watch the same movie over and over until he has it memorized
- how he quotes movies. it makes me laugh every time he quotes something.
- his memory ... he has an amazing memory and is always talking about things we did months ago
- pretty much everything except for his stubborness and attitude and even then, those things can be cute from time to time.

I am grateful for my little man. He is perfect for me and teaches me so much.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Little Buddy.

Mommy & Daddy Love you SO much!!!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

February ... Already?!

Didn't we JUST celebrate New Years? This year is going so fast already. And I haven't done the best at keeping up with the blog. I have no pictures because I haven't taken the time to edit them ... maybe this weekend. This is going to be a modge-podge of thoughts ... mostly for my benefit.

Anyways ... what's new with us? Well, three days before school started at one of the colleges here - I decided, "I wanna go back to school!" I had been trying to decide between doing medical transcripting online or going back to school. After praying and fasting about it - that's when I decided ... I needed to be in school. So, the next three days were CRAZY busy - talking to counselors, working on financial aid, waiting for things to clear so I could register, it was quite stressful! But, school started January 6th and I was blessed to get everything done before it started. I was able to get registered for one class that I need towards my Bachelor's, which I will be getting in Elementary Education. The class I am taking is, "Health Education for Elementary Teachers." It is a good class, the teacher is great - which really makes all the difference. The first day of school, I was SO overwhelmed and I kept asking myself, "What was I thinking? I can't do this!!" I think it was partly because I didn't know anybody. I kept comparing it to EAC and how you know everyone there because of the institute! So ... I marched on over to the institute and signed up for a class!! I am taking, "The Gospel and a Productive Life" and I LOVE it. My teacher is absolutely amazing. Plus, being involved with the institute gives me a little more sense of belonging on campus - even if I still don't know everyone. So ... that's me and my school life. It's been so fun being back on campus, back in the classroom and learning - I've really been enjoying it.

We registered Kason for preschool that he will start in the fall. There are SO many preschools around here that it was so overwhelming trying to decide which one to send him to! It was all I thought about for a couple weeks. After visiting all the preschools, comparing what the offered, their costs, their hours, locations (and praying about it!) ... we finally decided on one for him and I feel really good about it. He will have a friend from church in his class, which I am excited about. It will be good because he can be at school in the mornings - which is when I'm hoping I can get all my classes next semester. He is so excited to go to school and asks me quite a bit if it's school time yet. I can't believe he's going to be old enough to go to school.

Speaking of that! Kason will be turning 3 on February 11th! Oh my goodness! I cannot believe he's going to be so old. I have been thinking a lot about the day he was born and it seems like it just happened. I am so grateful Heavenly Father trusted me with him - some days I know I fall short of the type of mom I need to be but, he is such a blessing to me. As a single mom I always worry that I am not doing everything I need to be doing for him and it's hard. I always worry that I'm going to really mess him up because I don't give him everything he needs or deserves. I see little changes in him that I don't like - more aggression, more stress, more talking back, less listening. I'm sure part of it is because of his age but, I have a feeling part of it is because of the way our life is.

Sometimes I feel the way Kason does: stressed and overwhelmed. I feel like I have so much on my plate but, not enough time in my day to get it all done. Between Kason, keeping the house up, keeping up with school, church meetings and obligations, family time, "me-time", plus giving myself social time so I keep my sanity - I feel like I don't have time to sit down. I need a crash course in time management and priorities. I have been trying to get out of the house on my own, whether it's with friends, or just to the temple, quite often. I am learning that I really need time to myself if I want to be good at everything else going on. Now, if I could just figure out how to add a couple hours into the day - mostly for some extra sleep ... it would be great.

I have been trying to get out and date, meet guys, and just get to know them. That's been good. It's actually kind of fun to be back in that scene again - granted this time around is completely different than before - but it's still a lot of fun. It's nice to not feel completely alone, which is something I've really been struggling with lately. I think it's mostly just the month of February ... the 11th is Kason's birthday, then Valentine's Day, and then on the 19th is going to be the 6 month mark (can you believe that?). All things I get to do alone ... and I'm not looking forward to any of them. I keep putting off planning Kason's birthday because I just don't want to think about doing it by myself. Valentine's Day was never a big holiday for us but, just the reality that everyone else (ok, I know not EVERYONE) has someone to spend it with and ... I don't. And 6 months - I can't believe I'm thru half of year of all of this. It's amazing how fast it's gone. So, I'm just ready for March. And I'm ready to not feel lonely 95% of the time but, I think that's something that is going to be sticking around for awhile, unfortunately.

Well, that's us. That's what's going on. Even though things are hard and stressful, at the same time - I really can't complain. My teacher tells us all the time - "It could always be worse" ... and I know that is so true. There are thousands of people in the world who are worse off then us. We have so many amazing blessings in our life it's just hard to always remember them. We get in the slumps and climbing out sure takes longer than falling in. I have some things coming up that I am really excited about though so, I've just got to get through the next, not-so-fun, couple weeks and then I'll have things to look forward to.

Wow, if you made it through all of that - impressive. We hope all of you are doing well and are having a wonderful 2010! : )