Sunday, April 27, 2008

What I am really grateful for today ...



Yesterday I was able to go do a session in the Mesa Temple (thanks for watching Kason mom!!). And it was one of the best sessions I have ever done. I really wanted to focus and try to get alot out of it because of everything we've been going through lately. I was particularly in search of some guidance in regards to our financial situation. I got in way before the session started which was really nice because I had lots of time to clear my head and say a prayer. As I get into the session I was suprised at how much I got out of it! I learned and noticed a lot of things that I had never even noticed before. We had a moment where we had to wait for about 10 minutes so I was able to think about everything and say another prayer for guidance.

I think I was expecting a huge revelation. I was expecting it to be some magnificent advice that would make everything clear. Well, as I got into the Celestial Room and I sat and thought for a minute. I realized, I don't need a huge revelation. I don't need someone to look me in the eye and tell me what we need to do. What I realized and what I learned from being in the temple yesterday was simply this ... FAITH. It's something that I've always known. If we put our faith in the Lord, everything will work out. I walked out of the temple with the strongest reassurance that if we can both put our trust in the Lord, that our family will be taken care of.

What's funny is in Activity Days this past week we talked about faith. And today at church one of the speakers, talked about faith. It really reiterated the importance of having and practicing faith. I am so grateful I was able to go to the temple yesterday. It was an amazing experience that I really needed. It's always so refreshing to spend a couple hours in the temple.


The second reason I am so grateful for temples is because soon I'm going to have one within a 5 minute drive!!! That's right - President Monson announced that the Gila Valley will be getting a temple. I couldn't be more excited about this!!! It's all I can think about. I am hoping to be able to volunteer someway while it's being built, or even for the open house. How neat would that be?! I'm am so ecstatic to be able to attend the temple weekly once it is completed and possibly to even have the opportunity to work in the temple. It really is an amazing blessing for the Saints of this valley.

(Read the press release on the Church news site here)


And of course the third reason I am so grateful for temples today is the blessing that I have to be sealed to my wonderful husband, Kameron, for time and all eternity. When we had a scare of possibly losing him, the only comfort I could find was in the fact that we are an eternal family. I knew that if something were to happen to him, I would get to be with him again someday. And I grateful for that knowledge. It breaks my heart when I hear of someone who has lost a family member and they do not have this knowledge of eternal families.

I am so grateful for temples, and my amazing eternal family. Where would we be without these wonderful blessings?!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Few Questions ...

#1. What is the website that you can go to and have a book made of your blog?? Has anyone done it? Can you include all the pictures? Can you pick and choose what posts you want put in the book? Is it resonably priced? {Becky I think you were the one that told me about this!!}

#2. Everytime I try to change our background it deletes everything that is on the right side. How do I do it WITHOUT deleting all that stuff?! It really is a pain to have to track down everyone's addresses again. But, I'm getting sick of our background. HELP!

#3. On a lot of blogs you guys have that thing where you have to type in a bunch of random letters before you can post a comment. How do you do that?! I want that on my comments so weird computer comments can't be left.

Thanks ... K ~ keep going down.

I'm doing MUCH better than I was during my previous rant & rave post {read it here if you missed it and all it's excitement}. I think I just needed to vent.

We were able to get on state insurance (yay!) and our caseworker really encouraged us to apply for unemployment so, we're going through that right now.

Thursday night, Cindy Hatch, Nikki Clonts and Laurie Moore took me out for a night on the town (really we just went to Chalo's) but, is was SO much fun and it was night that I really needed to just relax and have some girl time!! (Thank you Ladies!)

Nikki came and cleaned my house (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU) I will never be able to thank her enough for that.

Kason slept for TWELVE hours last night. So, I'm feeling a little bit more rested.

And I have been thinking about all the people in world that have worse trials than me and I am grateful that I am able to handle all of this. So, I'm feeling MUCH better about things and know that things will work out. I guess I'm just like the rest of the women in the world, where a big venting session really helps every once in a while. Thanks for listening :o)

Now on with my next post ...

i miss this kid so bad!


This is our little brother, Elder Daniel Haban, who is serving his mission in the Portland Oregon Spanish Speaking Mission. And, I miss him! It is so fun to get his letters every week to see what he is up to. He's such a good kid and I'm so proud of him for serving a mission. You can tell, just through his letters how much he has grown as a young man, and he hasn't even been out a year!

When he was at E.A.C. it was so fun to have him over. Oh, and he LOVES Kason. Here he is with Kason the day he was born (look how LITTLE Kason is!)


Daniel has given Kason the nickname of "Kasonito" [meaing: little Kason]. He is a great uncle to our little boy! I really do love this kid. And I know it's a ways away but, I can't wait for him to get home. Love you Elder!

I am very lucky to have married in to a great family with AMAZING brothers. Our other brother, Matt, has been AWESOME during these past few months. He is so willing to watch Kason anytime he can and he has helped us out SO much And Kason absolutely LOVES his Uncle Matt.



[by the way ... he's single ladies and I'm in need of a sister ... so don't be shy! you know you think he's a stud!]

In the Fall, Matt is going to BYU Hawaii and we're going to miss him so bad! ESPECIALLY Kason! What is he going to do without any uncles around?!

Funny story about Matt. In college, I knew Kameron from the singles ward and I think we had hung out a few times. But, I didn't know that he had a little brother going to EA too (Matt). Kameron and Matt get mistaken for each other a LOT because they look so much alike.

Well, Matt used to work at the Post Office here in Thatcher. And one day I went in to check my mail and Matt was in the lobby working. So, I get my mail and on my way out I said "Hey, how are you?" (to Matt who I thought was Kameron) And Matt just looked at me like I was crazy, gave a half-hearted smile and waved then went back to work.

I walked out of there SO confused. I didn't understand why he had acted like that.

Well, Kameron and I started dating the next semester and I found out he had a little brother that had gone to EA but, was on a mission yada yada yada. Well, I obviously put the puzzle pieces together and realized that it was really Matt in the Post Office and not Kameron, just being rude. And lookie now - he's my bro!

Here are all 3 Haban Boys right after Matt got home from his mission in the Phillipines:


And Daniel and Matt on Kason's blessing day:


I love these two guys and I'm grateful to have them as my brothers!! They're amazing guys and I've learned a lot from both of them.

By they way, I love my biological brothers too, but they already knew that ;o)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Just one of those days ...

Or weeks ...
Or months ...

I hope you'll excuse me for the following post. Since I use this as sort of a journal, I need to write it down, feelings and all. So, you don't have to read it if you don't want to. It will probably be boring to most of you. And for those of you who have been inspired by my strength the past month or so ... prepare to be uninspired because it's not going to be sugar-coated.

Since the beginning of March it feels like our life is slowly falling apart. On the outside we may look like we have it all together, like we're happy and doing O.K. But, inside of me, I feel like screaming, crying and running away. Ya, I tell people I'm fine, and most days I am "fine". I tell them this because I'm not one who likes to have people feel sorry for me. So, I want to put it all out there for everyone to know that, even people who are doing "ok" or that seem to really have it all together during the rough times, well we have our bad days too.

Also know, that I feel incredibly blessed for everything that we HAVE been given and blessed with during the past month and a half. I don't want to be seen as ungrateful because I am SO grateful for all of our blessings.

In the past month and a half we have:

* Accumulated over atleast $50,000 in medical bills that I'm not sure are all going to be covered. We're having a real problem with our insurance company right now. A lady from one of the doctor's offices told us that anything pertaining to Lupus (which is everything) might not get covered because Kameron didn't have insurance 12 months prior to this current coverage. What?! How can they do that you ask? It seems SO wrong to me. But, apparently, "group plans" can do whatever they want. And apparently, insurance companies have lots of loop holes that they create for times like this when they don't want to have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars. Don't worry though - I'm going to fight it. What would be the point of us paying $370 a month on insurance if they're not going to cover anything that has happened? And that lady at the doctor's office could be wrong, and I sure hope she is!

* Completely depleated our savings. We had a good amount of money saved up, which I am now very grateful for. But, it's officially gone. All of it. Kameron hasn't worked since he got his gall bladder taken out the beginning of March. So, we've been living off of our savings. I do have to say that I am SO grateful that we DID have that money in savings or I don't know where we would be!

* Paid over $500.00 in co-pays and perscriptions. Where we get the money? I have no idea. But, I do know that we pay our tithing and that has got to have something to do with it. But, $500 ... that's a lot of money going to doctor's. It's amazing how much they make off of a 5 minute visit to your hospital room. One specialist charged $700 to see Kameron for 5 minutes. I couldn't believe it.

* Spent 14 days in the hospital. Well, Kameron has. That's half a month that he has been laying in a hospital bed. I used to have a real fear of hospitals. They are never associated with good things (other than having babies of course) and I was literally scared of them. Now, I just loathe them. I hate everything about hospitals. I never ever want to go back.

* Almost lost our husband, dad, son, friend. That was probably the hardest part of all of this. To think that we could have only had 4-6 months left with him was so scary and hard. I am eternally grateful that this is no longer the case. But, when it was happening ... I was scared worse than I ever have been before.

* Found a lump in my breast. I'm praying it's nothing but, I'm going in today to find out what it is. As if we didn't have enough going on right now the doctor finds this. It's just a little worry, that I don't need, that's been hovering over my head for the past few weeks.

* Lost a job. That's right. Kameron is no longer employed. They called him last night and told him that they couldn't wait any longer for him to come back to work. They had to fill his position. So, we're unemployed. Kameron doesn't have the strength to go job searching either. Right now, I'm not sure what we're going to do. I may end up back at work. But, we need some kind of income. It breaks my heart to think of not being with Kason all day. I was thinking about going back to work at the daycare I was at before I had Kason and just thinking about putting him in a classroom with someone other than me, I was balling. I don't know how I could do it. But, I would have to if something else doesn't come along. Because I don't know where the money is going to come from. I don't know how we're going to pay our bills. I just don't know. But, again, we pay our tithing.

* Since we lost a job, we also lost insurance. Ouch. Now what? We're hoping and praying that we can get on AHCCCS (AZ state insurance) because otherwords, I don't know how we'll do it all. We have too many doctor's visits (with darn co-pays) that we have to worry about. Not to mention all his perscriptions. So, we're headed to wonderful DES to deal with that today.

* And not to mention all the little things that add up:

~ My house is a DISASTER. I kid you not. It is ridiculous. I hate living like this but, I just don't have the energy or desire to do anything. I feel like I've actually accomplished something if I can just get the dishes done.
~ People keep asking how we're doing. I know they're just concerned about us. I appreciate that. It just gets old and kind of annoying. But, keep asking because I'll keep telling. That's just the way I am.
~ Kason is clingy. Maybe it's just me not wanting to deal with him but, he seems like he always wants to be with mom. Which is normally fine, but when I'm stressed like I am, I tend to have a short temper with him. Which in turn, I feel horrible for.
~ I know this is my job, but I get tired of always getting Kameron's pills or filling his cup of water or getting him something to eat. With everything else that's going on, it seems like he's asking me to move a mountain. When really it's just a little thing that shouldn't be a big deal but, it is. Somedays, I don't mind doing it but other days, I get so frustrated that I have to do EVERYTHING.
~ Kason hasn't been sleeping great. He has been waking up a couple times a night. So, I have to get up with him and I don't get any help because when Kameron can actually sleep, I need to let him sleep because it's not very often he gets a good stretch of sleep.
~ Watching Kameron struggle for energy and strength is really hard. He gets so worn out so easy. He is frustrated because he feels like failure as a husband and dad because he can't do anything. And he feels horrible that I AM stuck doing everything. And I hate having him feel the way he does.
~ I am just stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted and frustrated.

Plus, not knowing what is going to happen the next little bit is never fun. I just want to know what is going to happen and when it's going to happen. I guess I'm impatient.

I know everything will work out. It always does. It's just not a fun road to travel. A good friend once told me that when we're going through trials, that's when we're learning & growing the most. So, I need to be grateful for the things I am learning during all of this. And I need to learn how to apply those things to my life to make my life better and make me a better person. I really have learned so much through all of this and we have been so blessed by so many people. I don't think I could list everyone who has helped us in some way.

It's just hard.
I'm having a really rough day today and I needed to get it all out.
It got to be too much to hold it in and pretend that everything is 100% okay, when it's not.
I have good friends that are always there to listen to me and I'm grateful for them.
And now you know, that even if everything looks okay on the outside, inside could be a completely different story.

So, congrats if you got this far & thank you for reading. Thanks for all your support through everything we've been through. I'm hoping that slowly we're getting to the end of all this. Hopefully someday, everything will be back to normal, whatever that is, and we can go back to living our lives without the worry of medical debt & co-pays. Or without the worry of losing jobs & daycare.

Someday. That's all I can hope for, today.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

I know why Kameron loves me so much ... I LOVE BASEBALL!!
And I am SUPER excited that it's baseball season!!
I LOVE watching the Diamondbacks play.

Monday Kason and I went to the Diamondbacks Opening Game and it was so much fun!! It was my mom's birthday so we met her and my brothers down there. Kason was in awe of all the people & sounds & lights. He was especially fascinated by the fireworks they shot off after every home run. And the Diamondbacks won ... they killed the Dodgers!!

Here's some pictures from the night!

Chase Field:

This is Kason's new favorite face:


Telling Grandma something interesting:

After the game:


We're huge Diamondbacks fans so I'm glad Kason enjoyed it. He'll be going to plenty baseball games in his life!!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Out of the mouth of MY babe ...

Okay, so I don't know if Kameron is like this because of some of his medicine or if it's because he is having a hard time sleeping. I just don't know and I hope he doesn't get mad at me for posting this but, it's just too funny not to.

Lately Kameron has been talking about some really really weird things. I think what happens is he falls asleep, has a weird dream and then wakes up and thinks he is still in the dream.

#1. He woke up and was telling me how glad he was that this hospital (I'm assuming he was talking about Northwest) was flat and not bumpy because when hospitals are bumpy it makes it really hard to eat. Apparently, Mt. Graham Hospital is really bumpy. And after asking him some questions, I found out it's the floors that are either flat or bumpy.

#2. He told me that we were caught drinking. But, then somebody did something to our car to make it seem like we weren't really drinking. So, we didn't really get caught.

#3. He wakes up and tells me congratulations on my award. I ask, "What award honey?" He tells me that I just won an award and he's proud of me. So, I ask "what kind of award? did I get anything with it?" He says, "Ya, you got some money, and a piece of paper and something else. So, congratulations" Exciting award, huh?

Poor guy, he tries really hard to make sense of it all when I ask questions. And I just can't help but laugh.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

I decided we needed something other than medical updates on this blog so ... here's a break in the monotony ... (did I spell that right Alicia?!)

1. Last book you read or are currently reading? The Twilight Series (SOOO good!)
2. Last person you talked to on the phone? Um, I think my mom
3. Last movie you watched at the theatre? Wow ... Harry Potter ... sad huh?
4. Last restaurant you ate at? Jiliburto's
5. Last thing you bought for yourself? A d-backs shirt!
6. Last vacation or trip you took? well, kinda sorta Tucson ... if not then the last place we've been is ... Utah!
7. Last thing you ate? Hamburgers and french fries
8. Last time you cut your hair? November ... so 5 months
9. Last time you worked out? holy cow - it's been forever. I went on a walk today - does that count?
10. Last time you did laundry? this morning
11. Last time you were on an airplane? In August to Utah.
12. Last person you said "I love you" to? Kason
13. Last show you watched on TV? Oprah's "The Big Give" (can I just say I LOVE this show!)
14. Last song you listened to or sang? Um ... MOTAB during conference
15. Last job you had or currently have? besides being a mom, I worked at Palomita Children's Center as a preschool teacher ... boy I don't miss that AT ALL!!
16. Last place you lived (not currently living)? Payson ... it's been almost 5 years!! CRAZY!
17. Last obsession? I don't think I really have an obssession.
18. Last "project" you worked on? haha ... keeping my house clean
19. Last name? Haban
20. Last concert you went to? sadly ... I have never been to a concert but there are plenty that I would LOVE to go to!!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Home, Sweet Home

We're HOME!

And it feels so good to be home. I was getting pretty tired of hotels, hospitals and fast food.
But, at the same time it was kind of a nice break. I got to spend time with my mom, see some friends and hang out with my dad.

Basically what we found out is one of the lupus medications that they put Kameron on was all wrong. That is what was causing his body to lose weight, get high fevers, and it was even causing the damage to his liver. As soon as they took him off of that medication he started getting a lot better fast. They still ran lots of tests just to make sure that was the only thing. But, between that medication and his lupus, he was a sick guy. Now, he is on like 60 mg of steriods a day and they are helping him SO much. He was finally discharged Monday and we all got home yesterday. YAY!

Me and my mom went to Tucson Thursday morning. I could not have done this trip without her!! Kason got so antsy in the hospital room after about 10 minutes so, she was so good to take him and walk him around so I could stay in the room. Plus, with him just not being at home in his comfort zone, he wasn't always the happiest little boy. So I was in Tucson from Thursday until Monday morning. Me and my mom did some shopping, visited the cemetary where my grandparents are buried, and spent tons and tons of time at the hospital! And on Sunday night, Erin and Jace had me and Kason over for dinner (THANK YOU GUYS!!!!) It was SO incredibly nice to be in a home again and have a home cooked meal. We'd been staying in hotels and eating fast food. So, it was a good break.

Then, Monday morning I drove to Mesa because my dad was in town from Mexico. It was fun to see him and spend time with him. We just hung out Monday and Tuesday. Then Tuesday afternoon I came home! It's nice to be home but now I have laundry to catch up on, food to shop for, bags to unpack. But, atleast we're home. Kameron is doing much better. Just trying to get his strength back.

It was a LONG 6 days but, it was fun and good.

Here's some pictures from the trip:

*Kam in the hospital*


*Kason hard at work on the computer*


*Kason playing with Grandpa Haban in the hospital*


*Kason in his stroller with Baloo. We got this for him at The Disney Store and he loves it!! He won't let it out of his sight!*


*I think he just got done throwing a fit*


*Helping Mom get ready*


*Mesa Temple*


*I LOVE this picture. Everytime we see Jesus we ask Kason, "Kason who is that?" And he answers, "Jesussssssss" ... really it's more like Jsssssss. But, we figure it's close enough*


I have a few more I want to post but, we had fun. Even if poor Kameron was in the hospital!