Thursday, December 31, 2009

Dear 2008 & 2009,

I am writing both of you because I feel like you both need to hear from me. You have both given me things to cry about, things to grow from and things to look back on and realize that they happened for a reason.

2008, let’s start with you. You started off great with a new house, a healthy family, a stable job for my husband, Kameron. Everything looked so promising and we were excited for 2008! But, March came along and stuck my husband in the hospital and he almost died! He was out of commission for months and because of that lost his job. He was unemployed for 6 months and the job he ended up getting just wasn’t cutting it so, we picked up and left the only place we ever knew and moved away from Thatcher, AZ and moved to Sierra Vista, AZ.

I hated leaving Thatcher. I loved that place and I still feel homesick for it at times. I hated having a sick husband, in the hospital. He lost SO much weight and was never the same after that lupus attack. I hated watching him suffer. I hated struggling financially and always wondering how things would get paid. I hated the job Kameron got – so many empty promises that would lift our spirits only to be let down and disappointed. I hated some of the choices I made in your year, 2008, some choices that I regret.

Now, even though I hated a lot of things about you, you taught me so much and I have a lot to be grateful for. You taught me to appreciate my husband. It was SO wonderful having him home for 6 months while he was unemployed and it was so hard to send him back to work. We have so many wonderful memories from those 6 months that I will never forget. I learned the amazing blessing of tithing, I had always known we were blessed for paying our tithing but, I really learned it first hand during your 12 months. There were times where we had hundreds of dollars to pay in bills, and no money in our account but we paid our tithing and you know what? Those bills always got paid. I learned to put faith in the Lord and really listen to answers given to our prayers. The guidance we were given by the Holy Ghost was amazing and has really gotten me to where I am now. We were given many acts of service and it taught me humility and taught me to accept others service. And now I am actually glad that we left Thatcher in December – I wouldn’t be where I am today if we didn’t move.

So 2008 … even though you were a horrible year, but not nearly as awful as your buddy 2009, I am grateful for you. You gave me lots of things to look back on a learn from and grow from and be grateful for. So, thank you.

Now, as for you 2009, we all know you were not very nice. We started off living with my in-laws. And I love them but, it’s HARD living with someone else and not having my own space, not having my own things, not running my own schedule. It was a long 8 months and we kept thinking we were going to be able to move out on our own but, we never got the chance. I had to go back to work and I hated it. Thankfully, Kameron was blessed with an amazing job with a wonderful company. But, then June came along and Kameron started getting sick again. July, he was back in the hospital, in ICU, on life support and in a coma. (see what I mean about you being meaner than 2008?!) I watched him struggle for his life for 6 weeks always thinking he was going to get better and be able to come home. Well, after 6 weeks of fighting Kameron passed away on August 19. That was the worst day of my life. I picked the shattered pieces of my life up and moved on though – I had to for Kason I had lots of big decisions to make and I made them without a spouse to help me. I moved me and Kason out of the only state we had ever know and moved to Utah. And here I am.

I have a lot of things I hate about you 2009 … I hate that the last home Kameron and I had together wasn’t our own. I hate that Kameron suffered for so long before he passed away. I hate, obviously, that Kameron passed away. I hate that I have had to plan a funeral at the age of 24 for my sweetheart. I hate the loneliness I feel. I hate the status I have now.

But, you know what 2009? I am NOT going to let you win and make me miserable forever – in fact, you have already lost. I have more to be grateful for in your 12 months than ever before. I am incredibly grateful that Kameron and I both felt a strong urge to go on a family vacation in June. It was our last outing before our lives changed. We felt the need to go and we prayed for the means to do it and, it happened. I am SO incredibly grateful that we moved to Sierra Vista. Because of this move, Kameron had an amazing job that gave him life insurance after he passed away. And because of this move, I have some of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. I don’t even exaggerate when I talk about these girls they have dropped SO much to be there for me. I could go on and on about my gratitude for my girls because every time I think of them my heart just swells with love for them!! I remember the morning that Kameron passed away, Kara, Laurel, Camille and Emily dropped everything that day to be there for me. You can’t ask for better friends than them. I love these girls with all of my heart and I am so grateful that the Lord brought them into my life. I have learned to be grateful for service and to allow others to serve me. Because of this, I have gained an amazing love and testimony for doing service and I’m constantly looking for ways to serve others. I have been blessed by SO MANY incredible, generous people who have gotten me to where I am now, I am seriously amazed at the generosity of some people – some of whom I do not even know. It really makes a girl feel loved and appreciated. I have taken a HUGE leap of faith, listened to promptings and moved to Utah. And because of listening to those promptings, I am INCREDIBLY happy. I absolutely love Utah and I love the friends I have made here. I love everything about Utah (okay, except for maybe the drivers). But, you know what 2009 – even though you sucked pretty bad, you have made me a better person. You have helped me grow and have taught me more than I ever thought possible in the last 6 months. I am grateful for you 2009. I am grateful for what you put me through and for what you have taught me. And I am grateful for ALL the blessings you have given me, I cannot even count them all.

Now, I would be lying if I didn’t say I am incredibly excited for 2010. I am excited for a new year and for a new decade!! So, 2008-2009 … it’s been lovely and it’s been nice but, things have kind of been crappy for two years and I don’t want to dwell on you anymore! 2010 is a new opportunity for me to become the person I am meant to be and I cannot WAIT for that opportunity!

Thanks for the memories, thanks for the lessons and thanks for being over!! And could you maybe tell your buddy 2010 to take it easy on me this time around? I would really appreciate that!

Much love, appreciation and excitement:
Jami

16 comments:

Hannah Peters said...

Really awesome post, Jami!
Good luck with 2010 - may you be blessed with happiness, health and love. You deserve it. Happy New Year!!

Nicole said...

I must say, you are a great writer! I love the creativity you use on your blog! Very nice. I pray 2010 brings you the peace and joy you are seeking!

Maranda Whittle said...

Dang it, why do you have to make me cry again?! I am so thankful for the gospel and eternal marriages. And I am so happy that you are happy! We miss you here, but I'm so glad Utah is being good to you! Here's to 2010!

Clint and Tiffany said...

Wow, Jami. You have such a special way to put things that gives the rest of us hope, you know that? You have been through so much and yet you've come out on top, you still smile, you get up in the morning and are the best Mom for Kason. You are so close to the Spirit and to the Savior... Reading your posts makes me want to be better and try to be more like you. I still ache for you, but I am SO GLAD that you are finding happiness and excitement in this new life you're creating for you and Kason. You never cease to amaze and inspire me and for that I have to say thank you. May 2010 be a year you can look back on with happiness. And P.S. good luck with those Utah drivers!! :0)

Andy and Michele said...

I wish you the very best 2010 can offer. I hope that you are surrounded with love and laughter and that all dreams are happy ones.

Erin said...

Well said!

Kara, Garrick, Rylee and Jadyn said...

Quit making me cry! Sheesh... j/k :) You have no idea how grateful I am to have YOU as a friend and to have YOUR example! You just rock sista! ;)
And it's not just gonna be a great year for Jami, it's gonna be a great DECADE!!!!!

Travis and Britni said...

You are amazing. I know you have heard that a milllion times, and will hear it a million times more, but you truly are. I really hope 2010 takes it easy on you two. I don't know anyone that deserves it more. Happy New Year!:)

Lori said...

Great post. You summarized it well.

Corri said...

You continue to amaze me!!!

Chillin' with Lemonade said...

Wow. you are pretty amazing! My husband passed away August 9 of 2008. I would like to write a letter to 2008 and kick him where it counts! Your letter oozes with hope and determination!

Thanks!

Rob and Mitzi said...

Jami, You rock! I'm sooo excited for your new 2010. You are sooo amazing. If I could only be a fraction of what you are...

Oh and by the way... your Christmas pictures, Tombstone... well all of the pictures on your blog,... you look AWESOME!

Val said...

It's going to be an amazing year! I just know it:) You're little boy is GORGEOUS. Truly a pretty kid. I wish you guys the very best.

The Welker Family said...

Once again.... You amaze me! Thank you for your faith and happy attitude! I know that 2010 will be good to you :)

Candace said...

YOU. ARE. AMAZING.

Listen up, 2010!!! Miss Jami is coming at you with a VENGEANCE!! Hold on tight! :)

Peeser said...

Well, I'm a little slow in catching up on blogs sometimes... I am so impressed with the woman you have already become and the one you continue to become. As I read about the hardships you and Kameron endured (especially his unemployment), I couldn't help but think that this may have been one of God's gifts to you, knowing that you would not have him for very much longer- I think he was giving you precious time to make those precious memories that would help (and will help) get you through all the difficult moments when they continue to come.

You are blessed. You are loved. I know that in addition to God looking after you, Kameron is also looking down and smiling at the joy you create with your adorable son!

May 2010 bless you with all you deserve!

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