Friday, August 21, 2009

8/21: What a LONG day!

Today was such a LONG day. This morning we headed to the funeral home and met with them to get everything squared away. We picked out Kam's casket and it's a beautiful pine wood casket, that costs WAY too much money. We scheduled the times for everything and squared away all of that. We filled out paper work and choked a little bit when we saw the final price. I think it's a little unfair that putting someone in the ground costs so much money. But, the hardest part of all of that is over with. I started crying when he started to fill out the death certificate and asked me how to spell Kam's name ... and then I think I got over it when I went into shock over the price of the caskets. Then we sat in the room and joked together, Kameron is hating having to see us mourn right now - he wants us to continue living our lives like we did before, full of love and laughter.

Then, we met with the Bishop to figure out the program for the services. I feel really good about what we have outlined. I know that Kameron will be happy with it. And I know that if it goes over an hour, Kam's going to get impatient. ;)

I left for a bit this afternoon and went to the church baseball fields and let some emotions out. It was a hard, emotional day. I needed some answers and some comfort and I am feeling very comforted right now. I know that tomorrow morning I will have to wake up and pray for that same strength and comfort that I feel right now. It's funny how each morning when I wake up I feel sick to my stomach about going through another day and I'm emotional and exhausted and as the day goes on I feel more and more comforted with each prayer and each experience that I have.

I know that lots of people look at me and see strength and lots of faith but, let me tell you that when I look in the mirror I don't always see that. I see a little girl who is being broken down by tragedy and I am constantly lifted up by YOUR prayers, love, support, comments, emails, texts, phone calls (even though I never answer them), everything ... YOU are the strength that gets me through this. I take your strength and hold onto it because that is what gets me through my days.

Each day will get a little easier and each day I will experience new and different emotions and thoughts.

And for those who want to know:

Kameron's funeral services will be as follows:

Funeral: Friday, August 28th
10:00 am
Sierra Vista, AZ Stake Center (2100 Yaqui St. Sierra Vista, AZ 85650)

Graveside Services: Friday, August 28th
2:00 pm (roughly)
Thatcher, AZ (Cemetary TBD)

More information will follow as we work out all the little details. Love to you ALL. I can't do this without you!


Julie H said...

I see the out pouring of love and can't help but feel Kam is a part of that. He knows you need us all.....and we need you.
Thank you for the details.. People are asking.
You have read it a thousand times but again we love you, and a listening ear is ever ready from so many directions.
No words can make it better. Lets do a fun scrapbook with some of those precious memories. I have tons of stuff you are welcome to.
Loves and Hugs--The Hatch Clan

Alicia said...

Your talking about joking reminds of a funny story I need to tell you.

Danny got the days off and we'll be there.

Merri said...

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go, some stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same."(Flavia Wheaden)

Jami, Kam left a lot of footprints on mine, and my family's, heart. Just know that we are here to help strengthen and sustain you during this difficult time.

And I know how much Kam likes nice things, but I bet even he was shocked at the price tag on the beautiful pine wood casket you chose! Actually, he was probably hoping you could get one with an IPOD jack for his hip-hop music and a plasma screen to watch his sports! :) I'm glad that you were able to laugh and joke. We love you!

Van and Rhonda said...

Jami ~ your comments the last few days have been so uplifting. You have been such a strength to so many people. We continue to pray for you, Kason and the Haban family. What a joy it was to bring over dinner and see all of you. Kason is such a sweet little boy. I am so grateful to read how mnay friends you have. Stay close to them they will help you through. Please let us know if you need anything! Love, Rhonda Larson

Lara said...

My heart just breaks for you, Jami. Stay strong.

The Warrens said...

Jami We love and care about you and Kason... Please let us know if there is anything that you need. You have been amazing through all of this!! You are wonderful... We will see you Friday (unless you need something sooner) :) We love you!!!

Maranda Whittle said...

Curtis can't get off work, so we can't make it to the funeral. We really wanted to be there. We'll be thinking of you. You should make a trip to the temple, I really thought I needed to tell you that. You'll find your comfort there!

Jessie and Byron said...

Jami, You may not think you are full of strength and faith, but let me tell you that you have been a source of strength not only for my but for others I have told about your blog who sit and cry as they read and are so impressed with the amount of faith you have right now! Yours faith and strength has helped me in way you dont understand! You are an amazing woman! really!! We hope to make it to Kams funeral, if not we will for surely be thinking of you!! We continue to pray for you!!

Mama Hen said...

We don't know each other, but my uncle (Kenny Rhodes, who is married to my auntie Tina, who is Gina Roebuck's older sister- does the connection make sense? lol They live in the house on the corner by the Thatcher Stake Center with the tiki guy on their front porch). Anyway, they told me about Kameron, and I wanted to pass along my condolences. Hang in there and know that there are people you don't even know who are lifting you up in prayer. Rely on God to give you strength and to carry you through your sorrow. All my love,

Tyler and Brianna Hatch said...

You are a STRENGTH! we will continue to pray for you and your family that the holy ghost may guide and comfort you. The other day I had a sweet thought about your family, about when you Kam decided to move to Sierra Vista with out a job and I remember you saying how nervous you were about it and how Kameron knew that was where our family needed to be. WHAT A BLESSING moving to Sierra Vista has been for you guys. The Lord obviously knew something that no one else knew, and Kameron was faithful enough to be guided by that inspiration. Tyler has had his on thoughts this week and he wanted to pass his condolences to you and his family. Good luck with this next week. We will be there to attend his funeral. love...the hatchs'

Kara, Garrick, Rylee and Jadyn said...

I love love love love love you, Jami! I'm here for you whenever and forever!!!

The Fergy Bunch said...

Lot's and Lot's of *HUGS* for you and your family. Just remember the saying, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." In the end it will be worth it and your sweetheart will be there to greet you and to hold you tight and he will tell you how proud of you he is for enduring to the end. Hang in there my dear sweet sister in Zion and know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of many, many people and that you have touched more lives than you will ever know. You reminded each of us to cherish the time we have with our loved ones and to hold them tight. You have shown us that the Savior will be there to carry us, love us, and take our hand when we reach out for him. Thank you for touching my life. Last night I held my husband & each one of my 5 kids a little longer, a little tighter, and told each one how much I love them. My thoughts and prayers will be with you on Friday. *HUGS*

Jen Ferguson

Our Ohana said...

I will not fall asleep so dang early anymore:) because...
Good luck in Thatcher today... I'll be here when you get homexoxoxo

Our Ohana said...

augh! its happening again... I can't log you out of my parents computer:)... this is LAUREL... in case you were wondering:)

Candace said...

OH how I wish we could be there!!

And Jami...please just let our Father in Heaven and everyone around who loves you & Kameron just hold you up during this time. It is okay to feel lost and torn apart. BUT the overall attitude you have been conveying through all of this IS absolutely inspiring and you are stronger than you think you are.

More love & prayers coming your way!!!

JR and Steph said...

Jami just want you to know that you are AWESOME and your strong faith is such an example to me. We will be there Friday. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you with everything.

HollySteffen said...

i wish i could be there.... you'll be in my thoughts that day. and everyday. <3

Preemie Miracle said...

I am so mad I am moving. I want to be there. You are a strength to me and I love you. Our thoughts are with ya....

kmelanese said...

You are stronger than you think. You will be in my thoughts and prayers! Especially friday! I wish I could be there!! Give Kason a hug for me!

Andy and Sara said...

You don't know me, but I was at EA when Kameron was there. I remember that he always had a smile on his face. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Brooks Family said...

I am thinking and praying for you each day Jami! I love you girl!

Jared and Jennifer said...

You don't know me, but my husband was a roommate of Kamerons at college a LONG time ago. Your sweet family is in our thoughts and prayers. We will be sending our prayers your way for quite some time so that your heart can find peace and comfort in this extremely difficult time. Your posts have been such an inspiration to me. Keep your chin up and know Kameron is still ever with you and your son.

Jennifer & Jared Pearce

Kachelle said...

you are AMAZING!!! i already knew that because of how much Kameron loved you, but now i am totally astouded by your faith. i'm keeping you and your son in my prayers.

Leslie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leslie said...

hi, dave mayberry wrote me an email and told me about you and asked if i had any advice.
i am a widow. my husband passed away about 20 months ago when we were both 30 years old. my son was two days shy of his 2nd birthday when he lost his dad.
if you want to see who we are:
you are more than welcome to email me if you wish. i would love to share any words of advice or even just listen (read) to what you want to say about any of this... my email is found on my blog profile.
this posting of yours on august 21st... that would have been our 7th wedding anniversary.
please let me help in any way... even if it is just to tell you that i know what you are going through. i know that helped me in those first months...
please accept my condolences. i am so sorry for the pain i know you are going through right now. it is physical just as much as emotional...
i can tell you are strong though... you will get through this.

with love...
leslie *

Sailing Past Maturity Straight into Senility said...

Jami, we all love you. You are going to be okay, and you are going to be a wonderful mother to Kason. There is always going to be strength there to help you through, and all of us will do whatever we can to help.

Em said...

You don't know me... in fact this is the first time I've ever even heard of you. A friend of a friend told me about you and sent me to your blog. I KNOW exactly how you feel. My husband past away almost 10 months ago from complications from his cancer treatments. I went through a lot of similar things... him coding... brain damage and having to take him off a ventilator. I know the heart ache and how hard it is. At the time I had a just turned 5 year old son and a 19 month old daughter. Watching your best friend go through some of the hardest things is so heart wrenching. I can't even write without crying and my hands shaking. Somedays it feels like yesterday when he left our family. But we have a saying... always a family of four. My son has carried that with him. You always will be a family of three no matter who you add or take away. I know you feel like your heart is broken in a million pieces and things will never get better. I've been there... actually I lived in denial for a while until one day I woke up and realized this was my life... a single mom. Its not easy, but I know my late husband has watched over us and continues to watch over us. I believe your husband will as well. Watch for the little things that will remind you of him. When I moved back home after my husbands funeral I was working in our bedroom working on laundry when my 19 month old daughter who never spoke much or clearly at that said clear as day BED... I looked up at the bed to find my bed with the blanket and sheet folded down just as we would always fold down when we went to bed. It was made just minuets before. It was his way of letting me know that he was there. Many times I felt his presence when I'd go to bed so upset and feeling like I couldn't go on anymore. Don't be afraid to pray and ask him to come visit you or your son. I did this often especially when I felt I couldn't go on anymore. Some days will be better than others. Allow yourself the time you need to grieve. Don't let others tell you how long you need to grieve. Find your happiness... it is out there. I tell my kids that they are so lucky, because they have an angel for a dad who watches over them daily. Your son is truly blessed as well. When I took my husband off the breathing machine it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Harder than being a single mom. I told him that we would be ok and that he could go. He needed to go. Heavenly Father needed him more than we would ever know. The fight up there needs strong men like our husbands. I know there is nothing anyone can say to make the pain go away. The suffering lessen. My brothers and sisters gave me a framed quote when he passed that I see everyday when I wake up in the morning that has helped me. "Faith in God INCLUDES Faith in HIS timing." I know its hard to understand why he takes who he takes when he does and I have no doubt that we will know in this next life. Your husband will send you the help you need to make it. Be open to everything. Don't be afraid to find your husband in the little things. Your son is so close to the veil and he no doubtly will see his dad and feel that closeness to him. I pray that you will find the peace that you need. That you know that you will be okay and things will work out. I know you don't know me at all but if you ever feel like you just need someone to talk to... sometimes it helps to talk to someone whos not only been there done that but doesn't know you personally and you don't have to be afraid of what they think. You can email me at or find my email on my blog. And you ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK... I prove that to myself everyday and Heavenly Father wouldn't put you thru these trials if he didn't know you could handle them. I know you think you can't do it but you aren't alone. You will be lifted up by angels here on earth and in heaven and your husband will be your biggest supporter in any decision you make.

The Rasch's said...

You don't know me but I just wanted to say that your names are in the Temple's here in Utah. I have never gone through losing a spouse but my husband is in the military and leaves a lot. My stake pres. told me once that even when they are gone and you can not hear them they can hear you. I think that is so true. Just remember to always have family prayers as well as individual prayers. Your faith is amazing. You are a strong Daughter of God! My family loves you and we send our prayers. May you always have the wonderful spirit with you and keep your head up.

Love the Rasch's
Dugway Proving Grounds UT

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