Wednesday, August 26, 2009

8/26: One week

Whoever thought up the word widow, is awful. What a horrible word "widow" is! It makes me feel like I am 80 years old. But, it is the title that I have now been given by society.

I have been a widow for one week now. And I survived. I will say that the first 72 hours were the WORST to get through. After those first three days, I started to think a little clearer and actually be able to focus on some things.

I still have a hard time being alone and I sleep with the light on. But, atleast I am able to get out of bed in the morning and face the day. I cannot eat in the mornings though or I just throw it right back up. I have no appetite and no matter how much I sleep at night I am still exhausted. But, I would assume these are all normal things for just losing a spouse.

This past Saturday we went to the Gila Valley to pick out the cemetery where Kameron will be buried. As soon as we started walking around the Central Cemetery I KNEW that is where he should be buried. The view is beautiful, it is surrounded by mountains and just down the hill is the Gila Valley Temple. It is so perfect.

Everything is coming together for the funeral and I am so pleased with how it looks. It will be nice to have Friday over with, it's going to be a long, emotional day! But, we are hoping to make some good memories as well.

Today I went to the temple and I was a little nervous about going. Maybe because I didn't really know what to expect? My mind was all over the place and I had a really hard time concentrating but, as I got into the Celestial Room, I had an overwhelming feeling of peace and comfort. My life is in the hands of our Heavenly Father. He is directing my path and whatever is placed in my path can be conquered with the help of Him. It doesn't make me miss Kameron less and it doesn't take away my lonely feeling but, it does give me the reassurance that I need to make it through each day. He is not going to leave me standing alone on the side of the road.

It was a good day but it was exhausting, it sure is a long drive with a two year old!!! But, he's a trooper. Thank heavens for temples and for the blessings that we receive there.

Only one more day until the funeral ... I cannot wait to have Friday over with.

24 comments:

Leah said...

Jami
My heart just breaks for you and your sweet baby boy. I have been thinking about you and praying for you that you will have peace and strength. There are so many people you don't know who have been affected by this. I hope that Friday goes well and you will have angels with you that day.

You probably don't know me. I am Chris Udall's sister. Chris and Dan are friends and went to Ea together. Praying for you and your sweet family...

Steven said...

I know all of us out here in the Midwest want to be there to show our love and support, but have to content ourselves with sending prayers and comfort with Mom and Emily. You and Kason will be in our minds and hearts on Friday. Love you, cousin!

Summers Family said...

What a wonderful thing it is to be able to go to the Temple and feel our Father's love! I wish we could be there for the funeral, but know that we are thinking of you. I hope everything goes the way you have planned and that it is the beautiful ceremony that you want. It will be a huge relief to finally know that his body is at rest. We are thinking of you!

Lisl and Stephen said...

Jami, you are amazing, and I admire you so much. You are doing so great and its evident that Kam is with you. I love how going to the Temple always gives an extra boost. You're such a wonderful mom. Don't you worry one second about answering any emails, messages, etc. This is your time, and we all just want you to know that we are thinking of you, and sending our love.

Maren said...

Jami, i am so glad you were able to go to the temple. the peace and love that is felt there is undescribable. i would love to watch kason anytime you want to go! we will see you tomorrow. love ya

Jessie and Byron said...

Jami,
I am glad that you were able to attend the temple, i agree that it may be the one place that you will be able to feel peace! Im sorry I wont be able to make it on Friday to the funeral, but we will be thinking of you all day! Good luck, and know we continue to pray and think of you!

kelly said...

Thinking about you and just wanted to leave a little note to say so. Thanks for the updates. I admire your strength, Jami.

The Fergy Bunch said...

Jami you truly are a pillar of stregnth for me. I have been thinking a lot about you and your son. I think it is wonderful that you went to the Temple, I can tell you are already handling this much better than I would - perhaps that's because you were more prepared spiritually than I feel I am right now. Thank you for being such a great example to me of how the Lord will always carry you if you turn to him and rely on him always. Good luck tomorrow, I will be thinking of you and Kason. *HUGS*

Jennifer Ferguson
(Laurels friend)

Jenn and Kylann Penrod said...

The temple is the best place to be. How wonderful that you got to go and finally get some comfort in your life.

Chesney said...

im so proud of you for going to the temple. i know it must have been hard, but what a wonderful place to be right now. tomorrow is going to be a hard day, but you can do it. its one more day to get through. you are so strong.

csrussell said...

Jami, I was in your bunco group the one time we did it:) My heart has gone out to you and Kason. I'm glad you were able to go to the temple and feel peace. Isn't it a wonderful place. I know you can make it through this just by reading your posts. you are a strong woman. Just keep Heavenly Father first in your life and you can handle anything.

Kara, Garrick, Rylee and Jadyn said...

One week...I kept thinking that yesterday. I know for me, it seems like forever ago and yet like it was yesterday (weird, I know) I can't even imagine what it feels like for you. You have been truly amazing and such an inspiration because of your faith and strength. I know it's hard to keep that up sometimes, but I know you will because, well, you are Jami! :) I love you sweetie, and continue to attend the temple, it is where you will have prayers answered and your spirit rejuvenated.

Elisa said...

Just wanted you to know that we are thinking of you and praying for you today. I wanted to send a note with my brother but couldn't find the right words to say. We wish we could be there at the funeral but you and your family will continue to be in our hearts and prayers.

Mike said...

Thank you, thank you........ for sharing your story. Our prayers are with you as well.
Sincerely,
Karlie Badger

Danielle Larson said...

Jami, I'm so sad I wasn't able to attend the funeral..I am sure it was a lovely service. You are an amazing person and my love goes out to you. I am praying for you and your family, you are truly an inspiration.

Kate said...

My prayers are with you Jami. You are awesome. I'm proud of you for keeping going. I know it must be very difficult but as you have noticed yourself, you are not alone.
Patti Cluff

Mary Beth said...

Thank you so much for your faith - you have no idea how many people you are helping! Thank you for sharing your story.
*Mary Beth (Lexington, SC)

Ashley said...

Hi Jami, you don't know me. Your cousin, Emily, is my friend and I read about your story on her blog this morning. I am so sorry for your loss and sincerely touched by your words this morning. These sort of things affect me so deeply, even if they are involving people I don't know. So I'll be thinking of you today, and hugging my family members a little tighter. Good luck to you and God be with you and your sweet boy.

Karen said...

Emily S. sent me here from her blog. Emily is my cousin-in-law. I read your story and even though I don't know you personally, I feel a deep sense of loss for you. Your faith is inspiring. I'm sure it's still difficult, but your knowledge is worth holding on to. May the Lord bless you with peace for your sake and for your son's. Love, Karen

Corri said...

Jami, you seem to be doing so well! I know it probably doesn't feel that way but to everyone around you, you are such a rock! Keep it up! The services were beautiful and we were so glad we could make it. Love ya!

Peeser said...

I just want you to know that I am still thinking about you. Emily's blog reminded me that you still need our support as much as ever- I wish I could have been there to hug you, to let you know how much I ache for your wounded soul. "Widow" is such an ugly word. But I don't think any word, however beautiful, would make up for the loss. I know Kameron is thinking about you, longing to hold you and Kason as much as you long to hold him. I know you will be together again as you continue on the path to eternal glory- a path that has been made a little more rugged by your loss- but one that will make you all the more strong. You are amazing. Your faith is amazing. Your love is amazing. May all those amazing things you are keep you going until the glorious reunion. I love you. I'm praying for you.

Devon said...

Jami, I frequently visit Emily's blog, and ended up on yours. Your story is heart-wrenching and I feel for you and your family. The best of luck to you! Though I've never met you, I'll be praying for you!

Megan said...

Add me to list of those who know your story through Emily. And also add me to the long list of supporters out there in the world foisting upon your our love and prayers. Your journey will not be easy, but you WILL continue through each day gaining strength to meet the next one. And as strange as it may be, I'm sending hugs from this stranger to your door, just in case you need them.

taytum said...

I think that you are pretty amazing. I don't have you on my links list, but I have periodically checked on you. Last time I looked Kameron had been in the hospital for a few weeks. Even then, I thought your positive attitude was so amazing. Then I got a text about Kameron and I was just shocked. I was so emotional. You, your son, and yours and Kamerons family and friends have been in my prayers EVERY night.

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